Nama Kirti devi dasi

nama om visnu-padaya krsna-presthaya bhu-tale
srimate romapada-svamin iti namine

mukum karoti vacalam pangum langhayate girim
yat-krpa tam aham vande sri-gurum dina-taranam

My dearmost Guru Maharaja,

Please accept my humble obeisances. All glories to Srila Prabhupada and to Your Divine Grace.

Guru Maharaja, I long to stay with you in this way eternally: you singing Jaya Radha-Madhava, and me at your lotus feet.

In the concluding words of Sri Caitanya-caritamrta, Srila Prabhupada writes of Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati Thakura that, “I still consider His Divine Grace to be always present with me by his vani, his words. There are two ways of association – by vani and by vapuh. Vani means words, and vapuh means physical presence. Physical presence is sometimes appreciable and sometimes not, but vani continues to exist eternally. Therefore we must take advantage of the vani, not the physical presence.”

By our great fortune, you are still with us, and those that find shelter and inspiration at your lotus feet have the precious capability of following the footsteps you take in this world. We do have the advantage of your most endearing physical presence. In her memoir, Yamuna devi relates an encounter with Srila Prabhupada in this connection. She says, “So we were going down a hillock, and Prabhupada was walking a little ahread of me. As I was watching Srila Prabhupada’s feet, I thought, I will step where he walks, as a disciple is thinking to try to walk in the footsteps of the Spiritual Master. All of a sudden it hit me, ‘There are no footsteps!’” She is profoundly struck, and turns around to find that there are large, deep impressions where she had walked, and none where he had stepped. Although I am now able to follow your physical manifestation from place to place, my prayer to you, Guru Maharaja, is to please invest in me the strength to follow those footsteps of yours that do not leave a visible impression on this earth – the footsteps of your vani.

As the years go by, I would like to understand your Vyasa-puja as more than your glorious appearance in this world – I pray to cherish it as your appearance in our hearts, as the lighthouse flashing in the night, guiding us with the sound of your call – ‘Krsna, Krsna!’ This divine appearance of yours will carry us, through the medium of vani alone, beyond the waves of material existence and finally into the arms of Sri Krsna, the most beloved.

I would like to thank you for two gifts in particular this past year. The first is for your personal encouragement for me to strive for strong sadhana each day as my imperative assignment. Yamuna devi’s memoir describes Srila Prabhupada’s interaction with one disciple, to whom he said, “Even if you are in the wilderness of illusion, chant hare krsna, and you will never feel alone.” You have encouraged me in a similar fashion, and for this I owe you my existense. It has made all the difference. Secondly, I would like to acknowledge and thank you for the presence of your dear disciple, Her Grace Krsna Lila Mataji, in my life. Her initial role in my life was in a less-than-ideal circumstance, but because of your great mercy, I have flourished in her association, and in this past year especially she has acted as a great pillar of support in approaching an embodied understanding of what unconditional love means. The scriptural classes of His Grace Yamuna Jivana Prabhu also act as a source of daily inspiration in my Krsna consciousness. I owe their association to you, and in turn, their association brings me closer to you.

In the words of Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati Thakura, we will be drawn by the attractions and repulsions of this place to the same degree as the amount of intervening distance there is between us and the lotus feet of Krsna. This distance is closed in our following the footsteps of your vani. All glories to your appearance, which enables you to gather up so many conditioned souls and lead us on a march back to that supreme desideratum! Srila Gurudeva, I pray that I may become attached to the words emanating from your lotus mouth, so that in my future I will attain eternal residence at your lotus feet, you singing Jaya Radha-Madhava.

Your aspiring servant,
Nama Kirti devi dasi