Sri Rupa devi dasi

Dear Guru Maharaja,

Please accept my most humble obeisances at the dust of your divine lotus feet! All glories to Your Divine Grace! All glories to Srila Prabhupada!

This year I have experienced your kindess in many super special ways. I just wanted to reflect on some of these instances.

Only by your mercy I am residing in the home of Sri Sri Kisora Kisori! I don’t think anything can top that! I’ve been given all facility to render close service to Their Lordships and to the devotees serving Them.

Guru Maharaja, as you know, I’ve always had a problem waking up in the morning. Although this is just a basic part of Krsna consciousness — without which nothing else can fructify — I haven’t gotten my act together. In between your busy schedule and many excruciating challenges, you always make time to inspire me to move forward. It’s actually pretty embarassing, but it’s true.

Any time you call upon me for service, especially with regards to bhajanas and kirtanas, I am so flattered. You are very kind and are always trying to engage me in Krsna’s service.

Whenever you speak, it revives strength in my heart. Recently I was hearing your classes on Queen Kunti’s prayers. You were contrasting the position of Kunti and Dhrtarastra, both of whom received advice from Vidura. After Duryodhana tried to poison Bhima, Kunti-devi approached Vidura in great anxiety. As you were narrating this, you mentioned, “So if you’re in some anxiety, two things: Find Vidura! And two, be qualified to hear properly!”

I am very grateful to the Vidura-like persons in my life: your very own disciples, Nityananda Pran Prabhu and Hemangi Mataji. Their vision of things, being far superior to mine, always brings clarity to my life and shines right through whatever anxiety I may come in with.

My dear Guru Maharaja, I am often disheartened to realize that I’m not the disciple that I wish I were. Although by yours and Krsna’s mercy I have received so much love and encouragement, the way I conduct my life is not demonstrative of that. Many years ago, I very casually wrote to you that I “realized” that you’re always there for me. Your response to me continues to keep me alive. You said, “The bond of affection and loyalty to the spiritual master is the most significant form of protection we can experience in this world. I am so happy to hear from you that you have REALIZED that I am always there for you. This makes me very very happy!” It is not that this gives license for me to do whatever I want; it gives me hope that I have somewhere to start from. No matter how big of a mistake I make, you’re always there to help me move forward, in the right direction. Maharaja, you’ve given me so much and I have not reciprocated at all. This makes me very sad.

Dear Guru Maharaja, if you are at all pleased by any of my words I am offering today, I beg you to kindly give me the strength and inspiration to use this body, with special capacities endowed by Krsna, as an instrument in your service only. Please let me have the priviledge of being undeviated from your service. Let this be my aspiration, always.

Nityananda Pran Prabhu once told me that in all our previous lives we’ve had various types of relationships. However, the unique thing about this life is that we have had the great fortune of meeting a spiritual master. This relationship is most special and should be prioritized above ALL other relationships! I have never met anyone more genuinely caring and forgiving than you.

Thank you, Guru Maharaja, for being here for me, always.

Your aspiring servant,
Sri Rupa dasi