Pooja Pokhrel
om ajnana-timirandhasya jnananjana-salakaya
caksur unmilitam yena tasmai sri-gurave namah
nama om visnu-padaya krsna-presthaya bhu-tale
srimate romapada-svamin iti namine
My dear Guru Maharaja,
Please accept my humble obeisances at the dust of your divine lotus feet. All glories to Your Holiness! All glories to Srila Prabhupada!
Many emotions flood my heart as I write this insignificant offering at your lotus feet. But, the word ‘tube light’ is most prominent in my mind. In school, we used that word to tease somebody that got a joke much later than everybody else. Likewise, despite your mercifully introducing me to Krsna consciousness a little over three years ago, I am only now beginning to appreciate the treasure that you have given me. I am only now beginning to appreciate all Vaisnavas and the unique qualities that each of them possesses intrinsically in their hearts. I am only now beginning to appreciate the unique mentor-mentee system that you have established and how well it works to keep weaklings like me stay connected to Guru and Krsna. I am only now beginning to appreciate the glories of the Holy Name. I am only now beginning to appreciate the importance of devotee association and of nurturing relationships. I am only now beginning to appreciate the intense love and devotion of our acaryas and the immense compassion that they had for the rest of humanity which is completely oblivious to the ultimate treasure that they had already found for themselves. I am only now beginning to appreciate Srila Prabhupada’s dedication to his spiritual master in coming to the US at the age of 69. I am only now beginning to truly appreciate the divinity of the spiritual master and what he actually comes to give to anybody willing to receive.
And, in beginning to appreciate these things, I am also starting to realize many things about myself—the smallness of my own heart, the hardness of my pride, the ugliness of my ego, the pungency of my anger, the lethargy of my attitude, the inconsistency of my enthusiasm…the list is endless, perhaps summed by: my sheer lack of devotion. And here I was all these years going about life thinking that I was perfectly fine! Yes, Maharaja, I have been a complete tube light all these years, particularly the last three! The joke has really been on me all this time!
In Krsna consciousness, I find both hope and hopelessness: hope in the footsteps set by all exemplary Vaisnavas, and hopelessness in how far I am. But because you have now plugged me in to the association of exemplary Vaisnavas — particularly under the loving care and guidance of Her Grace Prema-tarangini Mataji and His Grace Sacikumar Prabhu—I feel assured that I will be dragged to all auspiciousness, and that the tube light, although flickering when it is just turned on, at some point will shine steadily. Thank you, Guru Maharaja, for welcoming this ungrateful undeserving fool to this most exalted family of devotees!
On this auspicious occasion of your Vyasa-puja, I have nothing to offer you, Guru Maharaja, but my shriveled heart, which is only just beginning to receive a flickering ray of light from your treasure house of bright sunlight. I therefore beg for your mercy that my heart genuinely and fully appreciates the great fortune that you have bestowed upon me, and that it is able to reciprocate in genuine gratitude to the best of its capacity, however tiny that may be. I pray to you that my heart opens to receive your mercy, and that I become capable of developing a stronger loving relationship with you and with all Vaisnavas. I pray to you that I fully understand my position as a servant of a servant, and lead my life in that mood of service.
Please accept the following as a humble offering from this worthless servant:
al
You teach what it is to be humaYes, ignorance is bliss
And I was happy as can be
Unaware of what was amiss
Unable to clearly see
Even as darkness abound
Enticing me shrewdly
To my own burial ground,
I, like a dog, followed happily!
Not until you shone a light
Did it finally occur to me—
In pitch black of the night
Own reflection is hard to see.
You held up a mirror
To my soul and my identity
A life devoid of devotion, in error,
Racing to further atrocity
The path you kindly illumine
Is of eternal love and ultimate gon
In my capacity as a servant soul
‘Happiness’ seems but a cliche
Compared to the treasure
You so lovingly give away
To all, in equal measure
Indebted to you eternally,
I beg to be a suitable servant
Serving those that serve you heartily, With zeal, unbridled and fervent.
Aspiring to be a humble servant of your servants,
Pooja