Radha-duti devi dasi

namah om visnu padaya krsna presthaya bhu-tale
srimate romapada svamin iti namine

mukam karoti vacalam pangum langhayate girim
yat-krpa tam aham vande sri gurum dina-taranam

My dear and most respected Guru Maharaja,

Please accept my most humble and respectful obeisances in the most merciful dust of Your divine lotus feet. All glories to Your Divine Grace! All glories to Srila Prabhupada!

Recently I was hearing one of Your lectures on ‘Prayers of Queen Kunti’, and You were very nicely describing the difference between being a sanatha and an anatha. You were narrating a personal experience from an early morning walk in India where You saw a pack of street dogs howling, barking and grinding their teeth at a tiny poodle being walked by an elderly gentleman. Despite an entire pack of ferocious street dogs ready to tear him apart, the tiny poodle was simply wagging his tail; reason – he was being held up by his master, who showed his stick to the dogs and walked right past by. The dogs looked at each other, then looked at the stick, back at each other and simply sat down. It struck me at that moment what is the position of feeling safe when one knows one has a protector – protection from getting crushed by the material energy. For me, this real protection came in the form of Your very kind, loving and unconditional shelter, complete acceptance, Your letters and instructions, Your deep concern for my ultimate well-being, and Your very merciful visits to Naperville and Washington D.C. Thus, feeling protected and sheltered in the midst of tribulations was one of the biggest reasons that checked me from acting independently during times when my mind would rebel and my conditioned tendencies would take over urging me to walk away from the instructions.

Thank You very much for abundantly giving Your very merciful association. Receiving Your darsana every few months and getting opportunities to serve You in some manner, has helped me obtain a glimpse of Your unstoppable mood of service, deep concern for others’ well-being, and constant sacrifices that You make to nourish and inspire everyone in their journey to Srila Prabhupada and Lord Krsna. On multiple occasions I have observed You taking meals much later in the day, if at all, to accommodate multiple home programs, phone calls and meetings. You very kindly accept, with Your most beautiful smile, whatever little service one may have to offer. Your loving exchanges with devotees are always so beautiful, endearing and enlivening. It is very heart-melting to be in Your association, Guru Maharaja, which has helped me go deeper in my own relationship with You.

I feel very grateful to You for setting up the Mentor system, and for putting me in the direct care of Your very dear disciples His Grace Sacikumar Prabhu and Her Grace Prema-tarangini Mataji. Had it not been for their unconditional love and constant sacrifices for me, I don’t know where would I be – most likely not in Krsna consciousness, or maybe not even surviving. When I look back now, I realize that until a few years ago I knew nothing from nothing, but by Your and Mataji’s causeless mercy, I have been fortunate to have received very detailed and meticulous training not only in spiritual life but in all aspects of my life. I am very grateful to You and Mataji for not giving up on me despite my very strong conditioned nature. Many times I imagine myself having You on one side and Mataji on the other, holding my hand and helping me take one tiny step towards Krsna, affectionately picking me up with ever increasing love whenever I stumble, gently showing me my reasons for stumbling, and allowing me to grow and learn from my mistakes.

I am very grateful to You for also inspiring, encouraging and cultivating communities of vaisnavas centered around Krsna. This has been such a support system for me. By Krsna’s grace, I have been blessed by multiple very loving and genuine peer relationships providing much love and acceptance for who I am and where I am in my Krsna consciousness, sharing hearts and inspirations, and encouraging to walk towards Krsna together. It is very inspiring to see the spirit of cooperation when the common goal is clear.

In this very self-centered and cruel world, it is difficult to find even one person with whom one can share their heart with, and feel loved and sheltered. However, by some great fortune, Krsna has provided me with many most valuable resources.

I have a long way to go before I can deeply realize what I have received in these past few years of my Krsna consciousness. I therefore beg in the dust of Your most merciful lotus feet, which can award all shelter and fearlessness, to always protect me from acting independently, committing offenses, and taking for granted the gifts I have been causelessly given. I also beg to receive deeper gratitude, the desire and required strength to attempt to follow the instructions imparted to me.

Guru Maharaja, thank You very much for saving me. I was simply existing before, but now under the umbrella of Your love and shelter, I am learning to live!

Thank You very much!

Aspiring Your eternal service,
Radha-duti devi dasi