Sthira devi dasi

Dear Guru Maharaja,

Please accept my humble obeisances. All glories to Srila Prabhupada. All glories to Your Divine Grace.

I want to take this opportunity to appreciate and glorify the mercy that has come my way to whatever little capacity that I have been able to access. As it may not be very eloquent and precise, please forgive me.

This year has been an eye opening year revealing truths to me about myself and the world around me. Misconceptions that I have are being smashed left and right. I am stunned with my mouth wide open, while all I can do is stand and watch. Krsna is kindly removing the great deposits of pride in my heart, one layer after another. After practicing for couple of years I was very proud. It still lingers in my heart that, “I have taken up devotional service.” With the ups and downs and nothing happening in the direction that I wanted things to move in, I realized that devotional service is a gift and one always has to be on Krsna’s terms, palms folded, in a very prayerful mood waiting for His mercy to descend and looking for some menial service that one can render for His pleasure. The realization went much deeper in my trials to move to the US. I tried for years together; I felt like the bird trying to empty the ocean with his tiny little beak. I never felt it could happen and it was very easy to give up. But, a lot of encouragement came my way motivating me to keep trying and giving me hope that the mercy will descend. I was amazed to see the flow of mercy in spite of all the impurities in my heart. Every small piece fell in the most appropriate place. It was unbelievable in the way things worked for my movement to US and I am now settling down here.

I want to thank you for the mercy that is entering into my life. Although the desire for devotional service from my end is very minimal, the compassion and care you are extending to me is beyond what I can perceive. One cannot give up a comfortable family life due to his affectionate relation with wife and children. Self-realization is obstructed by such undue affection for family, and if anyone is at all able to forget such a relation, he is called undisturbed, or dhīra. This is, however, the path of renunciation based on a frustrated life, but stabilization of such renunciation is possible only by association with bona fide saints and self-realized souls by which one can be engaged in the loving devotional service of the Lord. Sincere surrender unto the lotus feet of the Lord is possible by awakening the transcendental sense of service. This is made possible by association with pure devotees of the Lord. (Srimad-Bhagavatam 1.13.26 purport) I feel great honor in having your presence in my life, which shows me a path of self-realization instead of a path of following the mind’s whims ending in frustration.

I want to seek your blessings so I can take this opportunity very seriously and have an inquisitive spirit in pursuing my Krsna conscious journey. I am very grateful to the vaisnava sanga here at Chicago for all the love and support that they are extending to me. I am thankful to all the devotees back in Hyderabad for all their prayers and well-wishes.

Your aspiring servant,
Sthira devi dasi