Most respected and dear Guru Maharaja,
Hare Krsna. Please accept my humble obeisances at the dust of your lotus feet. All glories to Srila Prabhupada.
Guru Maharaja, as I sat down to write the Vyasa-puja offering, my mind went blank. So, by taking shelter of Srila Rupa Goswami’s Nectar of instruction verse on ‘sato vrtteh’, I derived inspiration from your own Vyasa-puja offering to Srila Prabhupada.
Guru Maharaja, you had mentioned in your offering that how Krsna consciousness is an internal process. I have been thinking, what does this mean? I see the skin covering and then inside there is blood, bone, kidney, lungs, heart, brain, etc. Srila Prabhupada has mentioned many times in his purports such as in the purport of hare krsna maha-mantra, that we have bodily platform, mental, intellectual and spiritual platforms. As per ayurveda, hatha-yoga or Patanjali yoga systems we have 5 levels of body. Gross body, prana/air body, mental, intellectual and spiritual bodies. Prana body has 72000 nadis or energy flow channels and it is this body which through the process of breathing maintains the connection between the gross and subtle body. Goal of all bona fide yogis is to go deeper into self finally accessing anandamaya body or technically called mukti. Vaisnavas reject such impersonal mukti because
ye ‘nye ‘ravindaksa vimukta-maninas
tvayy asta-bhavad avisuddha-buddhayah
aruhya krcchrena param padam tatah
patanty adho ‘nadrta-yusmad-anghrayah
[Srimad-Bhagavatam 10.2.32]
So above seems to be foundation of sambanda-jnana as is evident from Srila Sanatana Gosvami’s question to yuga-avatara Lord Caitanya, ‘ke ami’, ‘kene amaya jare tapa-traya’ [Sri Caitanya- caritamrta Madya-lila 20.102], why are my gross and subtle body constantly giving me trouble. When I look back in my life, I can see how your association has given me strength to go deeper in my life. Way back in 1995 when I had your first association, I could feel such enlightenment inside as if a lamp of intellect had been lit whose effect was visibly noticeable in mental and gross body. Your deep penetrating glances stirred my soul and the experience was like lighting on a dark night. Your vani has repeatedly steadied my flickering mind the way ship is steadied by an anchor. I do not have words to describe the experience of wiping your lotus feet but like cintamani stone it shines with ever new fresh colors.
Lava-matra sadhu-sange sarva-siddhi haya … [Sri Caitanya- caritamrta Madya-lila 22.54] there is least exaggeration in this principle. So then why have I not advanced in spite of having access to a bona fide spiritual master? Many reasons. A weak and diseased body, mind filled with lust, anger, greed, blunt intellect, and heart filled with big time material desires. Also, the effect of Kali-yuga, where the atmosphere is surcharged with opposition to genuine spiritual life, is bound have its effects. So last year I was lost materially and spiritually, and living had become burden. In such suicidal state somehow by inexplicable mercy of guru, sadhu, and sastra a desire to reconnect arose in my heart. You too warmly welcomed me back like a true representative of Srila Prabhupada who says ‘Spiritual master is kind by nature’ [Bhagavad-gita 4.34].
Guru Maharaja, after reconnecting with you, material and spiritual life have blossomed speedily. But I struggled to balance duties in spiritual and material sphere, and thus experienced lot of unsteadiness in spiritual life. But you kindly provided devotee association, access to Vrndavana- dhama, reply to the letters and online lecture etc. which is helping me come to the mode of goodness. Of course, the goal of reaching anandamaya platform is very far off and the means or abhidheya seems to be personalism as mentioned by you, quoting from Srila Prabhupada’s famous poem, “Absolute is sentient, Thou hast proved, Impersonal calamity Thou hast removed”. But the key to personalism seems to be Caitanya Mahaprabhu’s essential instruction trnad api sunicena verse, which can only be understood by soft heart, softened by guru seva and nava-vidha bhakti.
Guru Maharaja the goal or prayojana seems very far off as certified by Lord Krsna,
asamsayam maha-baho
mano durnigraham calam
abhyasena tu kaunteya
vairagyena ca grhyate
[Bhagavad-gita 6.35]
manusyanam sahasresu
kascid yatati siddhaye
yatatam api siddhanam
kascin mam vetti tattvatah
[Bhagavad-gita 7.3]
The situation indeed looks hopeless but as you mentioned once, “Problems we have many, but our only asset is, Srila Prabhupada’s instructions.” So, under your potent leadership who is bona fide representative of sad-aisvarya bhagavan Sri Krsna, I feel hopeful, the same way a cataract patient might feel under the shelter of expert ayurvedic doctor, for I am confident you are fully capable of applying jnana-anjana on the salaka to open my darkened eyes. To such glorious spiritual master, I offer prostrated humble obeisances with my body, mind and soul.
Seeking forgiveness for my offenses.
Your aspiring servant,
Anup Bhatkar