Sri Vallabha dasa and Rucira devi dasi
Our dear and respected Guru Maharaja,
Please accept our most humble obeisances to the dust of your lotus feet. All glories to Your Divine Grace. All glories to Srila Prabhupada.
namah om visnu padaya krsna presthaya bhu-tale
srimate romapada-svamin iti namine
Last Sunday I received a note from one of our Naperville congressional members asking if I could do kirtana for the Sunday Feast. Along with that note came a beautiful picture of Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu with a quote from Sri Sarvabhauma-sataka 60:
“The color of Sri Gaurachandra’s body is like molten gold. His limbs are the essence of all lovingness. He is the destroyer of all contamination of Kali-yuga – this is His Supreme glory. He gives the love of God without discrimination to the people of the world. May that Lord Gaurachandra, who is amongst the dancers, kindly manifest in my heart.”
And below that was an earnest note, “Please pray for me so this can happen in my heart.”
After I prayed for this sincere soul, I silently begged the very same for myself. As I did that, my thoughts went back to something my maternal uncle would always quote, “If wishes were horses, beggars would ride.” This fallen beggar that I am, I’d add to that, “If prayers were birds, then Krsna would be the wind beneath their wings.”
It couldn’t be more true as I experienced this firsthand as I stood by my ailing mother’s bedside in the Intensive Care Unit. She was hardly able to get any words out, let alone able to breathe. She was near-comatose but had her eyes open and fixed in glance. She was aware of the medical staff in the room, and of my presence. The air was grim and felt heavy with despair. The doctor hung his head low looking at me as if to say there was nothing much he could do at this time.
So I wasted no time in chanting loudly. Before I could complete the second chant, my mother’s arms went up in the air and her fingers curled as though she had her chanting beads, and she chimed in in perfect unison. Encouraged by her will, I chanted even louder.
She continued. Breathless, but firm in will, she continued. Parched and weak, unable to swallow, unable to move, but firm in will, she continued. She refused to let her arms down, and fixed in glance, she continued.
Seeing this, the nurses began to chant. Even my visiting relatives, who were devastated by my mother’s physical condition and sobbing in the corner, looked up and started to chant. Soon the room was charged as the chanting lifted the air of despair.
Minute after minute, hour after hour, my mother, Rucira and I chanted continuously for over 12 hours that day.
At first, I was caught up in the anguish of seeing my mother in such a state, that prayers escaped from me like frightened birds. As I chanted louder in full absorption, the intensity grew but the anguish only deepened. By this time, I was crying out to the Lord like a child that is lost and broken.
However, something was still missing. I felt like I had some block in my heart. And as I kept attempting to get back in the moment, my mind kept pulling me away as if to remind me about something. That something then came right to me…amidst the chaos of emotions and the breathlessness of my mother. It was remembrance of you, Guru Maharaja – your thoughtful note to me before I left for India, assuring me of your prayers to the Lord on my mother’s behalf.
It was then that it dawned on me, that although my prayers were sincere, and I was really crying out with the utmost urgency, it wouldn’t be heard until you intervened and took those prayers for me and delivered them. I then remembered your japa workshops where I felt stronger chanting in your presence. I’d mentioned this to you then, but I couldn’t quite place a finger on the “why.” This time the “why” was evident as I was once again feeling that same strength while chanting…
…It was the channeling of my chanting through YOU that made me feel connected and complete. I did really feel the shelter of my dear spiritual master.
My prayers were no longer leaving my lips like frightened birds, but as birds with Krsna as the wind beneath their wings.
Guru Maharaja, it’s been a roller coaster ride and it continues even today. These trying times are definitely not for the faint-hearted. If not for your calming shelter, I would have been a complete wreck. Please accept our humble and sincere thanks as we continue to bask in your shelter and relish the Holy Name like never before. We thank you for your unwavering presence in our lives and in our children’s lives as well. We thank you for blessing Nitya Priya and Akhanda Nama during their wedding.
You are our strength in everything that we do. We are aware that it is due to your blessings only that Krsna even reciprocates. We beg to always remain in the warmth and security of your shelter.
Your aspiring servants,
Rucira devi dasi and Sri Vallabha dasa