Govinda Mohini devi dasi
Dearest Guru Maharaja,
Please accept my most humble obeisances at the dust of your lotus feet. All Glories to your Holiness! All glories to Srila Prabhupada!
om ajnana-timirandhasya jnananjana-salakaya
caksur unmilitam yena tasmai sri-gurave namah
On this special occasion of Vyasa-puja, please accept my heartfelt appreciation and gratitude for being a beacon of light in our lives. We are wandering in this vast universe without any anchor, so thank you for being that anchor in our lives that keeps us grounded and connected to Krsna, the Supreme Personality of Godhead.
Guru Maharaja, during your visit to Naperville in December 2020 this prayer “I was born in the darkest ignorance, and my spiritual master opened my eyes with the torch of knowledge. I offer my respectful obeisances unto him.” came alive in my life. This prayer took on a whole new meaning for me. While reading the Second Canto of the Srimad-Bhagavatam that describes how creation comes into being, we read about how there are different demigods controlling each of the senses and organs. Some of the purports of Srila Prabhupada were strong in describing how at every step we are controlled. As I was reading, I began to question “do living entities really have free will?” It felt like with so much control there wasn’t much that we could do on our own. I had started to feel a little hopeless and morose over the matter.
Just during that time, you visited Naperville. Seeking your guidance, I hesitatingly put forward my question in front of you. Understanding my dilemma, you took your time and explained very carefully, with different analogies for two days. Even though you were so patiently explaining, my stubborn, rebellious mind was not accepting the fact. I was trying to use my academic brain to understand what seemed like an easy thing, yet I couldn’t quite catch it. I was putting my faith in your words. I went back and heard your answers twice, really wanting to accept the fact that we do have a free will choice at every step to either turn to Krsna or turn away from Him.
All of a sudden, during my Srimad-Bhagavatam reading, I felt as if a light bulb went on in my mind. All that I had heard from you is that even though at every step we are controlled, we always have a free will choice to be either under Krsna’s protection or under maya’s control. That choice is never taken away from us. You had said “go towards the light” and all of a sudden all of your words became crystal clear, the light got turned on in the midst of the dark room. Until then I was theoretically accepting Bhagavad-gita’s teaching:
tad viddhi pranipatena
pariprasnena sevaya
upadeksyanti te jnanam
jnaninas tattva-darsinah
“Just try to learn the truth by approaching a spiritual master. Inquire from him submissively and render service unto him. The self-realized souls can impart knowledge unto you because they have seen the truth”. [Bhagavad-gita 4.34]
For the first time, I understood the purport and import of this verse. I truly was in complete darkness, overtaken by a rebellious mentality. It was only by your mercy that I was being pulled out of the dense darkness of ignorance. As Srila Prabhupada mentions in the introduction to the Bhagavad-gita: “Lord Sri Krsna is the Supreme Personality of Godhead. So according to the statements of Bhagavad-gita or the statements of Arjuna, the person who is trying to understand the Bhagavad-gita, should at least theoretically accept Sri Krsna as the Supreme Personality of Godhead, and with that submissive spirit we can understand the Bhagavad-gita. Unless one reads the Bhagavad-gita in a submissive spirit, it is very difficult to understand Bhagavad-gita, because it is a great mystery”.
Until now, it was truly theoretical for me to understand the need for a spiritual master and why I need to surrender to Krsna. Even though I had formally taken all the steps of shelter and initiation to surrender to you, I felt for the first time with all my heart, I truly surrendered to you. There was a great joy in the heart for such realization and such realization came due to your causeless mercy.
If it wasn’t for your patience, your careful guidance, your understanding of my inner struggle, I would still be roaming around in the darkness. My doubts were dispelled by your causeless mercy and this prayer “om ajnana-timirandhasya…” had a whole new meaning. I am forever indebted to you Gurudeva, my eternal spiritual father for accepting an uncultured, uncivilized, coarse, ignorant person like me under your care and shelter. I am deeply grateful for your love, care and patience to answer all my questions, which seems to be on the same theme of ‘acceptance and progress’. My life has light because of your presence.
Your aspiring servant,
Govinda Mohini devi dasi