Harsha devi dasi
Dear Guru Maharaja, my dearest spiritual father,
Please accept my sincere and humble obeisances. All glories to Srila Prabhupada! All glories to you!
It’s been half a year since I last wrote to you. I have told Surabhi Mataji the reason which I believe she must have passed on to you. Please forgive me!
Today I would like to share with you that all the arrangements by the Lord are the mercy given by the spiritual master to the disciple. My disease, on the strength of studying and listening to your lectures, has made me realize deeply that self-realization is a very important subject. Real self-realization means one must have firm faith in the spiritual master and under his guidance study meticulously Srila Prabhupada’s books. Only in this way can one get Krsna’s mercy.
By your mercy I learn how to learn. The first time you got to know Krsna consciousness was by reading an article of Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati in a magazine. You read the article so carefully and tried so hard to grasp its gist that time passed without you knowing it. You were impressed by the elevated character of Srila Bhaktisiddhanta.
By your mercy, I realize that all the pastimes of Lord Krsna are causeless mercies. All His arrangements are perfect. If one wants to accomplish his goal, he must perform all possible austerities of the body and the mind. All the happenings in the world are the manifestations of karma. It is by the mercy of the Lord that our karmic reactions have been reduced to the minimum. Understanding this, one can always stay undisturbed by either success or failure, happiness or sadness. In the Srimad-Bhagavatam, Kamsa wanted to kill all the children of Devaki, and her husband Vasudeva delivered all their new-born children to Kamsa in such a poised manner that I was very impressed. He was clear that all the arrangements of the Lord are the best. I’m a conditioned soul and susceptible to the influence of the three modes of nature. And yet I have an authentic Gurudeva. Through giving us suffering, Krsna sends us back to Krsna consciousness.
By your mercy, Lord Krsna makes me know that the theme of Srila Prabhupada’s lectures is that we are not this body, we are souls, we are the servant of the servants of Krsna’s eternal servants. Before, I knew this only theoretically, tending to forget it when in action. But now I understand that if we don’t get rid of this bodily concept, we will always struggle in pain out of ignorance.
By your mercy, I understand that attachment is an obstacle on the path of spiritual practice. Bharata Maharaja, the son of Rsabhadeva, had given up his kingdom and family, but had to fall back to the material world out of attachment to a deer.
By your mercy, I realize that a greedy and miserly heart brings terrible results. Avanti brahmana’s miserable consequences told us that we should take full advantage of this body to realize our real self and serve the Lord in Krsna consciousness.
By your mercy, I realize that humility is the essence of spiritual practice. Lord Krsna was so humble and grateful in front of His teacher Sandipani Muni. After finishing His school, He reciprocated with His teacher and even called back the son of His teacher from the hands of death. The Lord is omnipotent, but He remains humble.
By your mercy, I realize that we must stay calm when emergencies happen and try to solve the problems at the right time. When his son Abhimanyu was killed by a group of soldiers from the side of Duryodhana, Arjuna was outraged and vowed to kill Jayadratha – the main reason for his son’s death – before sunset the very next day. Krsna helped Arjuna by covering the sun just before it was about to set. Thinking the sun had set, Jayadratha laid down arms and his army also let down the guard. At exactly this moment, Arjuna attacked Jayadratha and killed him, fulfilling his desire. The scriptures tell us that the Lord comes to the material world to protect His devotees and kill the demons. Experiences have testified that Lord Krsna will never fail in keeping His word.
Lord Krsna has sixty-four qualities. How perfect He is! I like more His quality of using both the harsh way and the tender way. Only after Sisupala had offended Krsna for a hundred times did Krsna kill him. He is forceful like a thunderbolt while tender like a rose. He has so many pastimes. I have a lot to say because Guru Maharaja and the Lord are in my heart.
Traditional Chinese medicine holds that the heart governs all the physiological and psychological activities and is therefore the governor of the body. We shouldn’t desire too much to exhaust our strength and vigor. Instead, we should withdraw our senses and control the mind. In this way can we stay sober. Lord Krsna said in the Bhagavad-gita: “I am the source of the spiritual world and the material world.” Therefore, we should apply Krsna consciousness in every aspect of our life.
I often wonder how happy are the residents of Vraja, immersed in Krsna consciousness. Especially Radharani. Her every act is meant to please Lord Krsna. Her sweet smile, Her shyness, Her straightforwardness, Her humility, even Her bodily aroma attract Krsna. All Her good qualities are attractive to me.
I said to the Lord, thank You my Lord, for sending me an authentic Gurudeva, thank You for giving me all that I have. You make me realize that sufferings make me grow. The material world is full of birth and death and is so temporary. You make me give up everything. It is by the mercy of Gurudeva that I haven’t given up in my most difficult times. It is Your mercy that makes me progress.
My dear Lord, You are the moon and I am the star near the moon. You are the water in the lake and I am the duckweed in the water. We are never separate. Due to Your mercy, I can get a hand on the Bhagavad-gita and Srimad-Bhagavatam which were actually meant for the kings.
I also thank Lord Caitanya for bringing the holy name to the material world. When I was ill, I couldn’t chant my japa regularly for over two months. When I was able to pick up my chanting bag again, I burst into tears. I hold all the more dear the holy name. Now I chant thirty-two rounds every day to make up for the lost ones. From chanting inattentively to now chanting twenty rounds in one go and finishing the rest after a short break, I feel so happy in chanting. At the most I chant fifty rounds. Once again I could cook for the Lord. I cried. I realized how important the service to the Lord is.
With the advent of the appearance of Lord Krsna and in anticipation of your Vyasa-puja, I pray from the bottom of my heart that Lord Krsna is always with you, giving you shelter. I wish you good health and smooth preaching. May you protect this fallen soul at every moment. May all the devotees apply their knowledge into their action and with genuine love spread Krsna consciousness to every town and village to fulfill the desire of Lord Caitanya. Just like Srila Prabhupada and you.
Missing you!
Your surrendered disciple,
Harsha devi dasi