Pooja Singh
om ajnana-timirandhasya jnananjana salakaya
caksur unmilitam yena tasmai sri gurave namah
nama om visnu-padaya krsna-presthaya bhu-tale
srimate romapada-svamin iti namine
Dear and respected Guru Maharaja,
Please accept my humble obeisances in the dust of Your lotus feet. All glories to Your Divine Grace! All glories to Srila Prabhupada!
It has been nearly ten years that by some inconceivable good fortune I came in contact with devotees and Your Divine Grace. I have had nothing but unconditional love and support from You and the devotees in these ten years. I have witnessed their dedication and journey of deepening faith, and trying to live by the teachings that they hold dear in their hearts. I have seen them recognizing what they need to get rid of, and what they need to embrace to further cultivate devotion in their hearts. I have not had a single negative experience dealing with the devotees, or seen any contradictory behaviors in anyone. On a more personal level, I have had the immense great fortune or reading Srila Prabhupada’s books in the association of devotees, and even completed my bhakti-sastri course this year. I have been lovingly mentored by senior devotees that have gone above and beyond to try to assist me cultivate my devotion. I have even had the inconceivable good fortune of being of some direct service to Your Divine Grace!
Despite all this mercy being showered into my life, I find myself unable to fully recognize and grab at this rarest of blessings that has been causelessly bestowed in my life by Your Divine Grace! I find myself struggling with building loving relationships with devotees. I find myself unable to whole-heartedly follow the process. I find myself too attached to flashy material things, even as I know that they are temporary and even detrimental to my ultimate self-interest. It is almost as if there is a bipolar personality—one that longs to be engaged in devotional service, and another that is doing the exact opposite of what would strengthen devotional service. As I age, I find myself wasting my life away unable to hold on to the treasure that has somehow fallen into my lap.
In this condition, Guru Maharaja, I am yet again begging for Your mercy, and the strength and intelligence to grab that mercy when You bestow it upon me. There are absolutely no qualifications that I have, nor sincerity, nor some level of firm faith. Yet, I beg that I may somehow still be able to be of some small service to the devotees, and to Your Divine Grace.
Aspiring to be a humble servant of Your servants,
Pooja